Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
