I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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