Me. At least after what I've been through.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
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