Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
