just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she peed on how many people?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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