how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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