It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
