yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
