I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
