Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
