I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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