brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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