i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
A+ Viking dick
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
