I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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