If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
