So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i drank out of a bidet.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We need a shit load of segways right now
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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