Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize