I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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