i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
