I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.