my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.