It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
