just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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