That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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