was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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