I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
