Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
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Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
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He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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