There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
