Don't make out with my wife yet
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
