ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
