you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
