i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
