Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
