She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
