yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
