I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
