she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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