Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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