Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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