you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
