nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
