Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize