Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
