omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
