I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
