apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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