well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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