Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
