My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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