Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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