Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
