i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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