I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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