If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
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So squirting runs in the family.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
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I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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