go do what you do best...puke behind churches
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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