People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
