I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
