As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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