brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
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I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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