I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
