Christians are straight up FREAKS
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
