I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
