Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
