I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
