Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
