I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
