she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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