I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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