Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All the doctor said was why
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
