awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
