Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
