I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my j├Ąger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.