how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment