I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon