if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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