If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
