The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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