when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
