You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
