yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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