I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
