I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I need water and some morals
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
