I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
