you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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