this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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