You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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