Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
