Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
